We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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