Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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