we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
