In the future we'll all be gay
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
