You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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