I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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