Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
