Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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