And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We are two peas in an std pod
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
