we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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