better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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