Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
