Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
