My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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