The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
