im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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