I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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