we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
