i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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