She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
