apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
