The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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