So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I won the penis lottery.
Say something about gay babies.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
