I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
