the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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