OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
