Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
