He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
