I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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