I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
