Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
