We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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