I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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