Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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