I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
