Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
