I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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