i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
