I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
