I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
