happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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