I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
