I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
