textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize