So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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