I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
