My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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