remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
