Will you blow on my dice?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
