Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
