So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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