I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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