but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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