margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
