Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
