I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
