He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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