the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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