Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
