Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
