You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
there is glitter all over my balls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
