M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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