so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
