My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
