pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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