I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
