Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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