I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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