I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
