I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
