i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
