Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
