lets start a swedish sibling band together
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
