covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
