my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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