Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
