I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
