I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
