The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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